An unlikely friendship with added brownies
by AwesomeSwiss
Summary: Ukraine and Kugelmugel are friends but when they eat some brownies from a questionable source what will happen next? Related to What the... But can be read separately. Rated t for my paranoia and for Netherlands brownies
1. Chapter 1

Unlikely friendship with added brownies

Unfortunately I don't own Hetalia

**Kugelmugel**

I was working on my latest artwork, a self portrait, when my phone rang. I smiled at the caller ID. "Hi Kat." I said. "Hi Kugel!" Came the squeal from the other side of the phone. "Are you still coming over to watch the movie?" She asked. "Of course." I replied. "Just give me a little time to finish up here and I'll be right over." "Ok, see you soon!" Kat said and then hung up. I couldn't help thinking she sounded even more excitable than usual.

I smiled at the thought of my newest friend. It was Liechtenstein who had introduced us. Ukraine had been looking for new friends one day, so Lili had introduced her to some of her other friends. Including me, among others. We instantly took a liking to each other, and soon Kat had a very good friend and vice versa. On the other hand Sealand nearly made her cry, so I smacked the back of his head, he started bawling, Seborga cheered me on and Lili scolded all three of us. Wy is also pretty good friends with Kat as far as I know and Sealand ignores her more than she ignores him.

I changed from my paint splattered overalls into a paint splattered shirt (That was done by me deliberately), a luminous red beret (to make sure people see me in the dark) and shoes that wouldn't look out of place on a clown (mainly because they were clown shoes.) I thought about Kat on my way to her house. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know, although she can be strict when she wants to, like when I was using a welding torch on a sculpture and I wasn't wearing the proper safety clothing.

She was very nice if you got to know her and not just stare at her breasts like some people I could name but won't. Because that would be impolite, of course. *cough*France*cough*cough*SouthKorea*cough*cough*. She is always interested when I talked about art and I am interested when she talks about farming, seeing as I've never done any farming before. (I never knew what a pitchfork was actually for 'till I met Kat.)

Before I knew it I was at her house. I knocked on the door. "Kat?" I called. The door flew open and before I knew it I was enveloped in a bone crushing hug. "Kugel!" Ukraine screeched, jumping up and down, further damaging my spine. In case you're wondering yes this does happen a lot, it's a wonder I can still stand upright. But I don't mind, like I said she has a very big heart, and this is one of the ways she shows it, even if it costs me the ability to stand I wouldn't stop it.

She eventually released me and pulled me inside the house. I sat down while Ukraine put in the movie. The microwave beeped. "I'll get it." I said smiling. I took the popcorn (salted for me, sweet for Kat), out of the microwave and sat back with Kat just as the movie started. It was a comedy about some woman that married the wrong man and the funniest thing about it was how bad the actors were. That and the way they looked, I swear the main characters looked just like Austria, Hungary and Prussia, and some of the supporting characters looked like Poland, The Baltic's and I swear I saw the spitting image of Sealand at one point.

The movie was terrible but that just made it funnier somehow, eventually the movie ended, and Kat got up, saying that she'd remembered something, and she went to get it. While she went to get whatever it was she'd forgotten I played with my braids. She came back with a plate of brownies, and all I can say is I wished that I'd asked who made them beforehand. But that's hindsight for you.

They were delicious and we quickly finished the plate. It was only then that I said "Kat you've got to give me the recipe for these." To which she replied. "Oh, I didn't make them." At that moment I felt an odd sinking feeling. "Then who did?" I asked, already pretty sure of the answer. "Lars." In other words the Netherlands, who makes pot brownies by the dozen. I explained to Kat that we might have eaten pot brownies and she looked shocked, a little scared and completely dumbfounded.

"Are you sure?" She asked me, eyes wide. I said that it was pretty much certain, but unfortunately I can't remember my exact words as the brownies began to take effect. I started to worry when that happened, but it didn't last long. I cannot be completely sure of my actions but I will do my best to remember.

I remember then grabbing her headband and started staring at it. I could hear her asking "Kugel are you ok?" And then it must have taken effect on her too. Because I distinctly remember she started giggling. Then I joined in, both of us fell off the sofa rolling around on the ground, just giggling at nothing. At some point we must have stopped because the next thing I remember Kat was playing with my braids while I was on her shoulders.

And that's when things got weird...

A/N: What will happen next? Stay tuned to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

If I owned Hetalia, Holy Rome would never have left...

Right, now where was I? Oh yeah...

I'd gone to Kats house for a movie. We accidentally ate some of The Netherlands pot brownies. The next thing I knew, I was on Kat's shoulders while she was playing with my braids. And then things got weird.

It got weird because that's when the doorbell rang. Kat went to answer the door, forgetting that I was on her back. She opened the door and standing there was a drunk awesome trio, fighting with the drunk bad touch trio, except for Prussia who was laughing in the background with a pair of handcuffs on each wrist. "Hi Ukraine!" Spain called out while punching America. "Can you tell these idiots that Prussia is ours? They won't listen." Then Denmark chimed in while trying to help America. "No way! Prussia is ours! We're more awesome than you losers!"

Ukraine looked up at me and whispered "What do we do?" Well, she meant it to be a whisper, but it came out loud enough for the idiots in front of us to stop and look at us. I contemplated for a few seconds before whispering into Kat's ear. "That's brilliant!" She exclaimed. "Right," she announced "you guys will rock, paper scissors for Prussia, whoever wins can handcuff themselves to him." They stared at her, then each other, before France and Spain huddled together to discuss strategy.

America and Denmark did the same. Then all four of them said "1,2,3... Go!" And all of them showed rock which they all immediately changed to paper, then to scissors, then to rock... After 10 minutes we got bored and went back inside. We looked for something to do. I got off of Kat's shoulders and looked through her cupboard, when Kat called out "Kugel!" I jerked my head up so fast I hit my head on the top of the cupboard.

"Ow." I muttered, I got up rubbing the back of my head and turned around to face Kat. She was holding a make-up bag. My eyes widened in horror, I knew what she was planning, she'd always said that if she could put some make-up on me I'd look exactly like a girl, and I wasn't going to let it happen. "Kugel, can you come here a minute?" She said with an evil grin. _(Note to self: never let Kat eat Lars's brownies again.)_ I looked around for an escape route, but in front of me was Kat, behind me was a wall, to the left another wall and to my right was the sofa.

I decided to try the sofa, I backed up as Kat slowly advanced with that evil look and a slight sway of her hips... I tried to focus on escape first and that odd feeling later. As she stopped to pull something out of the bag, I took the opportunity to do an _(impressive)_ jump, pulling myself over the top of the sofa and pushing myself off into a run. I'd gotten as far as the stairs before Kat started after me.

I ran up the stairs ignoring her calls of "Come back!" and "This eyeshadow matches your hair!" Unfortunately for me, I'd never been up there before and so I had no idea where to go. I dashed into the closest room, which turned out to be a mistake, it was Kat's bedroom and there was nowhere else to go. I turned around to run again, but I ran straight into Kat who was standing in the doorway.

She grabbed me as I struggled to escape, but all those long hours of farming had made Kat strong. She was getting something from her bag when she paused. "Kugel... You're bleeding." I stopped struggling. _Bleeding? Wait, when I hit my head..._

Now that I'd stopped running I could feel a wetness on the back of my head. Before I knew it Kat had thrown me on the bed. "Kat! What are you doing?!" She climbed next to me before answering. "I'm gonna kiss it better..." She said in a low whisper. In my defence I'd had those brownies, so I couldn't see anything wrong with that plan.

So I sat there for god knows how long, while Kat repeatedly kissed the back of my head. Eventually, the blood did stop. I know that because Kat suddenly had the make-up bag again. I was tired, and by that point I thought it was a good idea. She got out a number of tools to help her make me look more like a girl.

After that she showed me a mirror. _Wow. I'm a good looking girl._ I thought. After that we just told each other stupid jokes until we got tired enough to fall asleep.

A/N: I did not expect that to happen... READ AND REVIEW. I wonder what will happen next?


	3. Chapter 3

**Just**** getting worse**

I don't own Hetalia

I wish I could say that was the weirdest thing that happened or that my problems ended there. But I can't, because then I'd be lying.

I woke up the next morning, stiff but not tired. I got up rubbing my eyes, when a groan came from the bed. "Kat?" I asked. I crawled over to her. Her face was twisted in pain. "Kat!" I cried. "What's wrong?" I was worried now. "My back hurts so much." She replied. I put my hand on her back and could instantly feel the tension.

"You know I could help with this." I said. "How?" Came the muffled reply. "A massage would get rid of this tension." I said, calmly. "Do it now!" She said. "Well.. Um... You see... I can't..." I was struggling to say it. "Oh, right." Kat said. She preceded to take off her shirt, while I covered my eyes in embarrassment. She lay down clumsily on the bed. It was only then I realised that at some point last night, I'd lost my paint splattered shirt and my beret.

Great, I thought, both Kat and I are half naked and now I have to give her a massage. I decided to just get on with it. I hooked my legs round either side _(for balance!)_ and set to work. I rubbed her back, not too hard as Kat was already in a lot of pain and I didn't want to make it worse. "Wow... That's nice Kugel." I don't know why I said what I said next. "Krista." Kat tried to look up at me, which was hard because she couldn't move without hurting herself, and I was on her back so she would have had to bend her spine at 90 degrees.

She quickly gave up and just asked "Who's Krista?" I rolled my eyes. "That's my name. My human name." Her next words were chosen with care. "You've never told me that before." I knew that was coming. "I've never needed to tell anyone. Even Austria doesn't know." That's true, I never told him, but, I've never told anyone except Kat.

"Seriously?" She asked. "Seriously. Nobody knows but me. And you." She was silent for a moment. "Wow... Thanks for telling me then." There was silence for a moment, me just rubbing her back. "You know a deep tissue massage would be better." I said. "You sure?" She asked sceptically. "Yes, I'm sure." She paused for a moment thinking it over. "Go ahead then." She said at last.

I started rubbing her shoulders focusing on the muscles and tendons to relieve the pressure. _(Sorry if that was a little too technical for you.) _While I was doing this she started moaning in pleasure. It gave me an odd feeling. After a while she shouted out "That's goooooood!" I smirked. "See, I told you deeper is better." I moved on to the top of her shoulders. "Kugel can you speed it up a little?" She asked. I was about to tell her to call me Krista, when the door flew open.

Standing there was Kat's little sister, Belarus. We both froze. "N-Natasha? W-what are you d-doing h-h-here?" Kat asked. Belarus said "I could ask you the same question." I felt the need to explain. "I was just giving Kat a massage. Massaging is art, you know." I was so nervous I was physically shaking, I've heard of what Belarus is capable of.

"Really?" Belarus asked sceptically. "Sis that's all he was doing, I swear!" Kat sounded like she was about to burst into tears and her sister seemed to relent. "Fine, I believe you." She said. "Good, because it's true." Kat said.

Belarus reached into her pocket. "Smile!" And with that she started taking pictures of us from a number of different angles. "No!" We cried, Kat tried to cover herself up, while I tried to jump off Kat's back, forgetting my legs were wrapped around her waist. I imagine the photos are... Interesting.

"Don't worry." Belarus said, grinning. "It's just art." With that she left the house, I heard her shutting the front door behind her. I relaxed, and was about to get off Kat, when she spoke up. "Hey, you haven't finished yet."

I blushed but I did as she said, she was back to moaning in pleasure. Most of me felt extremely awkward, but there was a part of me that seemed to enjoy it...

Anyway... After all that, I left. First finding my beret and shirt in the cupboard... I still don't know how they got there. After all that, I went back to my house and was just about to get back to my art when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was Lili. I answered it. "Hi Lili." What she said next was fast and extremely hard to follow, and it took a few attempts to calm her down, when Lili is nervous or scared she can talk unbelievably fast.

When she had slowed down enough for me to understand, this is what she said: "Kugel I need someone to come out with me tonight." "Why?" I asked. "Because according to Elizaveta, I can't come if I don't bring someone." I was annoyed now. "Why can't you bring someone else?" The reply was immediate. "Everyone is busy! Well, anyone who's suitable to bring. Please Kugel! I'm begging you here. I'll owe you a favour, a big one." Oh how I wish I had said no. "Fine." I said. "Ok, thanks, I'll text you the details, bye!"

A few minutes the text came through, Lili was as thorough as ever. She put details of everything I needed. I cleared my mind with some painting, had lunch, then started to get ready. It took longer than I expected. But I still made it too her house in plenty of time. I looked around warily, hoping not to be knocked down by a certain streaking Italian.

I knocked on the door and waited...

That's all I remember from that night, the next morning however...

**A/N**: hmmm... What happens next? YOU DECIDE! Oh.. No, I decide, but you can still give me advice. By the way Krista, I didn't know you liked that kind of thing.

Kugelmugel: What?

Author : Taking photos of... That.

Kugelmugel: *blushes* I don't!

Author: then why were you thinking about the photos Belarus took, hmmm?

Kugelmugel:... Um... *runs away*

Author: I've discovered Kugel's fetish!


	4. Chapter 4

**A frightening wake-up call.**

If you haven't worked it out; I still don't own Hetalia.

**Kugelmugel**

I woke up the next morning with a strange mix of emotions, random images and sensations flashing through my mind. _The taste of chocolate... The smell of beer... Kat, Lili and Elizaveta laughing... Giggling at something ridiculous... Gil Hugging a lampost?... Angry Sweden... the feel of something soft... like silk... Bright lights... Burningly bright... Someone shouting my name... The feel of someones tongue in my mouth..._

I sat up suddenly in bed. I looked to my left... and there lying next to me was a blond-haired girl... _Liechtenstein! _I looked under the covers. Yep. She was naked. _Naked!_ In panic I looked down and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw I was clothed... Then I got out of the bed and saw the clothing only covered the top half of my body. _Just perfect... Oh god, Switzerland is gonna kill me..._

Only then did I notice where we were. In a hotel room. I found my the rest of my clothing then after hastily getting dressed crept out, softly closing the door behind me. I walked down the marble hallway, noticing the expense of the place. Expensive paintings adorned the walls, the marble tiled floor was arranged in a complicated pattern and a mosaic of sea creatures on the ceiling... it had to be four stars at least. I walked into the main room where there was a blue sofa, a big plasma screen TV, an old bubble chair hanging from the ceiling and a Persian rug... _That's it? I expected more from a fancy place like this._ Just then a panicked looking Prussia, Austria and Finland came in from three different rooms.

"Let me guess," I said "you've just woken up next to a naked girl and you've got no idea how you got there." (I guessed this because I'd caught sight of my face in the mirror of the bedroom and their expression was identical to mine.) They looked at me, very afraid. "Right, let's work this out. I woke up next to Lili, Austria what about you?" Austria looked troubled. "Ukraine." He said at last, and I felt the oddest sensation of jealousy run through me. "Prussia?" I asked. "...Hungary" I was confused, I thought Prussia would have been delighted to end up next to her. "Finland?" I asked. "Belgium." He answered looking uncomfortable.

"Right," I said, pausing to consider what we'd discovered. "We may or may not have done things to girls, who can either break us like twigs themselves or someone they know can do it for them." They looked a little confused so I explained further. "Hungary could snap you in half, Spain's had a crush on Belgium for years so he will probably be getting his axe ready, Russia... Do I need to say more? And Switzerland is likely to shoot me several times after he hears about this." They visibly paled at hearing this. "Wait I thought Romano had a crush on Belgium?" Finland said, hopefully. (Romano is a nice guy but you do not want to see Spain go into inquisition mode.) I waved my hand at him. "It was one of them. Maybe both."

Then the girls walked in, all of them using the bed sheets as make-shift togas. They looked at each other, not quite sure what to say. "Out of interest, do any of you remember what happened last night?" I found myself asking. There was a unanimous head shake. "We need to find out then." I said. It was only then I noticed the camera poking out from underneath Prussia's chair. I walked over and picked it up. It was a high tech video... camera-thing. _(I know about art, not technology, that's what Lili...)_ I paused and turned around.

"Lili is this yours?" I asked. Her eyes widened. "Yes." She rushed over to look at it. A look of understanding crept onto her face. "I remember! I took this with me to record Hungary's party! So, I've probably got whatever we did last night on here." I was curious and more than a little impatient. "Well, can you show us what's on there?"

She looked at the camera, then around the room. "Give me a few minutes." I ushered everyone out, I knew from trial and error that you should not interrupt Liechtenstein while she was working with tech unless you wanted to be tied up with electric cables...

After a few minutes of standing awkwardly next to Kat, trying to find something to say, Lili called us back in. She'd managed to get the footage to play on the TV somehow (again, I don't understand this stuff, if it was a painting I would.) We sat down; the girls squeezing on to the sofa, Gilbert in the only chair, and the other three on the floor, me included.

We waited a for a few seconds, anxiously holding our breath and then, the film began to play...

A/N: I love cliff hangers! Once again, please correct me on anything I've got wrong. And I am now going to try to make each chapter at least one thousand words from now on.

Kugelmugel: Hi, again.

Author: Hi. Who's prettier, Kat or Lili?

Kugelmugel: *blushes, puts on adorable angry face* Why are you asking me?

Author: Well... You have seen both of them naked.

Kugelmugel: ... No comment.

Author: Oh... I'll force you to answer next chapter then! I'll also have to investigate Lili's fetish... By the way, be careful of my co-thingie, she wants to kidnap you.

Kugelmugel: *eyes widen* Why? And what fetish?

Author: Arrietty is... otaku, yandere and an extreme yaoi fan girl. And tying you up... Do I need to say more?

Kugelmugel: Right... Could you keep Arrietty away from me?

Author: No. Sorry, but I can't stop her. Besides, she might just want to ship you with someone.

Kugelmugel: But I don't want to be kidnapped!

Author: Then I'd start running now.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Evidence

I don't know how many times I have to write this but I DON'T OWN HETALIA

Kugelmugel: Just to say-*is thrown into a sack by Belarus*

Author: Natalya?! Why are you here? Get back to my other Fic!

Belarus: I just needed to kidnap him first. Arrietty pays a lot. Bye.

Author: Hey wait! I need to…she's gone. Enjoy this chapter guys.

Kugelmugel

The tape started in Lili's house. Specifically, her room. You could see her brushing her short hair. Then there was a loud knock at the door. That must be me. Lili (on the tape) jumped up and grabbed the camera. Then see her ran downstairs towards the door. She opened the door and there I was. In a suit (yes I have one) and my favourite red beret. "What's that?" My past self asked. "A camera." She replied, as if I was an idiot. "Why have you got a camera?" I asked. "To record the party. Now come on! I don't want to be late." The camera went towards me then it cut. When it started again, me and Lili were getting out of the taxi. The camera was focused on me paying the driver.

"Come on Kugel!" Came the impatient prompt. "Fine!" I threw the rest of the money in the taxi and the camera turned to the building we'd arrived at. It looked like a cross between a Spanish cafe, a Swedish nightclub and an old English pub. We rushed inside the weird hybrid building, the bouncer pulling the velvet rope to let us in. The inside of the building was weirder than the outside. Concrete, metal and plastic fused together in a way that made no sense whatsoever.

Then Hungary came and ushered us over to a table. Already sitting there, was Prussia, Austria, Belgium, Finland and…Kat. Hungary cleared her throat. "I'd like to welcome everyone to a celebration of the 25th anniversary of the yaoi club!" My eyes widened. _That's what Lili dragged me there for!?_ We'd all heard the stories of what Hungary did to 'celebrate' yaoi. None of them boded well for us. "What?!" Every male at the table shouted simultaneously.

You could see me glaring at Lili. Hungary tried to regain control of the situation. "Hey! Don't panic, nothing bad is going to happen to you…We're just going to explore your pairing options." My eyes somehow widened further (anymore and they would have popped out.) "Seriously!?" All the males shouted again. "Calm down!" Lili shouted. "Now," Hungary started again "sadly not everyone could make it. Seychelles is at another party, Wy was grounded for fighting with Sealand, Taiwan and Japan are busy doing…something and Poland is busy helping Lithuania with fashion related stuff."

I knew that at that we must of all been thinking the same thing: How do I get out of here? "Obviously, we're not going to force you to do anything" there was a collective sigh of relief. "but" a moan in perfect unison. "we are going to get drunk! Apart from Lili and Kugel of course. But for you two, we have…" she took out a foil covered tray. "Brownies! Made by our very own Belgium!" Prussia took that moment to butt in. "Hey! Give me some of those!" He made a grab for them but Hungary moved them out of his reach. "No Gil! These are for the kids only!"

He looked at her with puppy dog eyes and a trembling lower lip…he looked exactly like a three year old. "Pleeeeeease?" He said in a whiny high pitched voice. He was good, he knew Hungary's weakness for cute boys, it's why I could always manage to persuade her to do what I wanted. You could see her weakening. "Fine." She threw him one and he caught it with his mouth. "Now that's over, let's get this party started!" The camera was put on its side.

"Could you fast forward it a little?" I asked Lili. She nodded and the camera fast forwarded to about half an hour later. When it resumed the brownies were all eaten and me, Lili and Belgium were talking. "…Seriously though, you've got to teach me how to make these! Cooking is art, you know." Belgium looked at me conspiratorially "I'll let you two in on a secret." We leaned closer. "I was so busy I didn't have time to make them, so I asked my brother to do it!" "Who's your brother again?" Asked Lili. "The Netherlands of course." I felt my heart plummet. _How the hell have I accidentally managed to eat that guys brownies twice?!_

Our eyes visibly widened on screen. I groaned. "Not again!" Then Kat came over, she was staggering slightly. "Hey guys! What's happening?" I was just about to say something in response when the tape stopped. "What happened?" I asked. Lili looked grim. "That's it. The end of the recording." I exploded. "But that doesn't give us anything! All we know for sure is that we got there and got drunk! Or high in our case." I collapsed back on to the sofa.

"Hang on…" Belgium said. "I think I remember what happened next."

A/N: Sorry to end it there but I have no choice.

Arrietty: Sorry about that stuff but I sort of had to. It's where the rabbit hole led me.

Littlemisspunkrocker: Thanks! Any constructive criticism?

READ & REVIEW!


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